Are You Emotionally Available? What it really means.
Are You Emotionally Available? Here's Why It Matters for Intimacy
We hear it all the time: “They just weren’t emotionally available.” Or maybe you broke up with someone because they weren’t emotionally available.
But one thing I’ve learned over the years is that like attracts like. What if the real power move is flipping that question around and asking: “Am I emotionally available?”
It’s not a question meant to blame or shame — it’s an invitation. Because emotional availability isn’t just about wanting a relationship or craving closeness. It’s about our capacity to stay present — with ourselves and with others — even when things get uncomfortable.
What Does It Really Mean to Be Emotionally Available?
Being emotionally available means you can:
Feel your emotions without judging them
Stay connected to yourself during emotional discomfort
Communicate honestly and calmly, even in vulnerable moments
Remain open instead of shutting down, lashing out, or disappearing
Here’s an example of me working on being more emotionally available: recently, I was out to dinner with a. ‘person of interest.’ He was someone I was open to exploring a romantic relationship with. And I was pretty sure he was also interested, but I wanted to check it out. So I got up my courage and asked the question, “Is this a date?” And I fully expected him to say and enthusiastic ‘YES!”. But that’s not what happened. He kind of hemmed and hawed and eventually said a reluctant “yes?”
In his moment of hesitation, I immediately felt my heart drop into my stomach, and then it was followed by a wave of sadness and even a tinge of humiliation. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t brush it off, and it affected me for the rest of the evening. Now in the past, I would have told myself I was overreacting, and stuffed it down, maybe telling myself that I’m too sensitve. But as I am working on being emotionally available, I was able to acknowledge my emotional response, and validate it (although it took me a few days to do so). So I was able to be emotionally available to myself, and then I shared this experience with him a few days later.
So it’s a process! It’s not about being perfectly regulated or emotionally fluent 100% of the time. It’s about building the muscle of inner presence — so you can meet intimacy with courage, not fear.
Signs You Might Be Guarding Against Emotional Closeness
If you’ve ever found yourself in a relationship where emotional intimacy felt hard to access (even when you wanted it deeply), ask yourself:
Do I avoid uncomfortable emotions or keep myself “busy” to distract from them?
Do I tend to numb out with screens, food, work, or overthinking?
Do I shut down when someone tries to get too close?
Do I only feel safe when I’m in control of the situation?
These are gentle clues, not failures. They’re signs that a protective part of you may be trying to keep you emotionally safe, based on past experiences.
And the truth is: we all have these patterns in some way.
How to Begin Opening Up — From the Inside Out
If you want to become more emotionally available (for yourself and your relationships), here are three gentle places to start:
1. Practice Emotional Check-Ins with your body (the body NEVER lies!)
Pause once or twice a day and ask:
“What am I feeling right now in my body?”
Not what you think you should feel — just what's true in the moment.
2. Allow Your Emotions to Exist
Instead of judging or pushing them away, let your emotions be what they are.
Breathe with them. Journal them. Get curious.
Your emotions are messengers, not enemies.
3. Share Something Real
Open up to someone you trust — even if it’s just a small truth. You can even preface it by saying, “I’d like to practice being more in touch with my emotions, especially the uncomfortable ones. Can I share something with you?” (Because it’s easy to be emotionally available with the ‘easier’ emotions like joy and happiness, but it’s harder to tell someone you’re feeling angry, afraid, etc.)
Each time you share honestly, you build emotional strength and trust — within yourself and with others.
Do You Want Help With This?
If emotional intimacy feels like something you long for but can’t quite reach — you’re not alone.
Often, our subconscious holds onto old protective patterns that once kept us safe… but now keep love and connection at arm’s length.
That’s where hypnotherapy can be powerful.
My work helps you gently uncover the emotional blocks and protective parts that get in the way of closeness — so you can reconnect with your authentic self and build deeper relationships from the inside out.
💗 Ready to explore this more?
You can start with a free Clarity Call — a no-pressure space to get insight into your unique patterns and see how hypnotherapy could support you. I’d love to speak with you!
